FINALLY

The season is nigh, with the season opening tonight to the dulcet sounds of.... Usher and Keith Urban. Seriously, NFL, why do you even try? Fortunately, I'll just tune in after all that crap, because you know it'll just be Usher singing "Yeah" and whatever it is that Keith Urban is famous for.... being Eomer's brother maybe.

Are all New Zealanders this dreamy?

The rest of this Kickoff 2008 thing is, you know, a football game. Continuing the tradition of the SB champ hosting the first game, the Giants play host to the Redskins. Preseason is a tough gauge for team success, the Colts are 3-15 since 2005 in the preseason, but started a combined 29-0 to start those seasons. So despite the cries of anguish from the palefaces who root for the Redskins, I think they'll do well. In this, the first week of my annual picks, I have the 'Skins over the Giants tonight.

Kneel before Zorn!

And for the rest of the picks (winner in bold):

Week 1
THU, SEP 4
Washington at NY Giants

SUN, SEP 7
Detroit at Atlanta
Seattle at Buffalo
Jacksonville at Tennessee
NY Jets at Miami
Kansas City at New England
Tampa Bay at New Orleans
St. Louis at Philadelphia
Houston at Pittsburgh
Cincinnati at Baltimore
Carolina at San Diego
Arizona at San Francisco
Dallas at Cleveland
Chicago at Indianapolis

MON, SEP 8
Minnesota at Green Bay
Denver at Oakland

Grading the Draft

Ah the next thing for anyone to do after the draft, grading the draft, despite none of the players seeing playing time yet (how many people were down on the Texans selecting Mario Williams?). Start the season already!

In no particular order (I lied, it's alphabetical):

Arizona: Solid picks, they got Cromartie Part II and Calais Campbell to rush the passer. Early Doucet was a good WR until injury, he can be the new slot or even take over if Boldin continues to cry about his contract. They needed to pick a RB, and did, though we'll see how Richmond's Hightower does in the NFL.
Grade: B+

Atlanta: I was sure they'd take Dorsey and get Brohm or Henne in the second round, but apparently that's what Miami planned. Matt Ryan could be a solid performer, but I think 3rd overall was high for him. Atlanta had plenty of picks and got plenty of value for them, including an OT, 3 LBs, 2 CBs, a S, a TE, a RB, a WR and of course a QB. Lots of depth added to a rebuilding team.
Grade: B

Baltimore: The talk of the first round, Joe Flacco at No. 18. This guy is not NFL ready. The Ravens are probably hoping to return to the playoffs but that won't happen if you're training a young QB who didn't play big college ball. They easily could've gotten Henne in the 2nd round (though I like they're 2nd round pick of Ray Rice). They also didn't draft a CB to build depth behind their aging starters. I can't tell if this team is in rebuilding or win-now mode.
Grade: C

Buffalo: Ah yes, the Bills, notorious draft tankers. I'm actually pleased with their draft. The two biggest needs were WR and CB, they got both, McKelvin (some say the top rated CB in the draft) and Kelly (a 6-5 TALL wideout that should work well with speedy Evans). They added depth at DE, TE, and LB. I don't think they need 3 CBs however, and think they could've taken a DT in the 4th round.
Grade: B+

Carolina: This is definitely a win-now team. Fox's job is on the line. The first round was good, Stewart is a solid runner and Otah will help keep Delhomme upright (assuming he comes back from injury). Picking up Godrey in the 3rd was a good value and picking up Connor in the 3rd was possibly a steal. He should be a starter and will go great with last year's LB rookie Beason.
Grade: A

Chicago: Ouch, where do I begin? How about not taking any QB at all? Grossman must have naked pictures of Lovie Smith to still be the starter. No solid WRs and they don't pick one til the 3rd when all the top WRs were on the board in the 2nd. Picking up an OT in the first was fine, but they had needs at WR and RB which they made poor decisions on. Forte was good, but Ray Rice and Kevin Smith were taken after him and are better backs. Should've been WR in the 2nd and RB in the 3rd (if they weren't going to go RB in the 1st)
Grade: F

Cincinnati: I know Chad Johnson's making a stink, but 3 WRs drafted when you have no defense? I really like their first round pick, Rivers is an isntant starter and they had no LBs last year. However, they need more help on the DL, but they went out and grabbed a guy who was released from his team due to DUI (Shirley, 5th Rd). Then again, I guess he'd fit right in with the Bungles.
Grade: D

Cleveland: Good first pick (in the 4th round), getting a need guy in an ILB. Can't say the same for the TE they picked up next (they already have Clemens). They did pick up some other depth along the DL and also a WR to study behind Edwards and Jurevicious. An ok draft considering they traded their first three rounds' picks for Brady Quinn, Shaun Rogers, and Corey Williams.
Grade: B-

Dallas: Seriously, Felix Jones first? You wouldn't rather get a WR to go behind your two 34+ year old guys? Or even a CB to shore up that shitty secondary? At least they did get the CB eventually (actually two). However, if they're so high on Marion Barber, why draft 2 RBs? I've always felt Julius Jones was the better of the two. Bad draft, didn't address WR and took Jones too high.
Grade: F

Denver: Good first round, then it went downhill. WR wasn't a desperate need and Eddie Royal would've been there a round or two later. No early LBs, no early DTs (Broncos have stunk against the run for years, trading for Dewayne Robertson is not the answer). Only good points on their draft was the OL. Gonna need DL with LT, LJ, and now Run DMC in the division.
Grade: D-

Detroit: Heh, no first round receiver???? Has the curse been lifted? Decent draft, solid lineman in the 1st, great value at RB in the 3rd. Kevin Smith has potential to be a starter in the NFL, and that should take some pressure off Nostradumass (I mean, Kitna). The rest of the draft was defense, including DT, DE, and S. Could be a turning around point.
Grade: B+

Green Bay: The owners of the 3rd WTF of the draft, they take a WR and its.... Jordy Nelson. The 2nd round is not the place to pick up a 4th receiver. And not even one of the top receivers at that. Stealing Brian Brohm to be your backup (or starter if Rogers is no good) was a good move, and getting Patrick Lee to learn from the aging corners is another good move. Aside from the first pick the Packers had a good draft (though not sure they really needed to draft QB Matt Flynn as well).
Grade: C+

Houston: Shored up the OL in the first, but might have cost them too much to do so. Top to bottom they got some good value, a decent corner to help with the secondary, Slaton could help out immediately at RB, and Adibi is another solid piece to the young defense featuring Mario Williams and Amobi Okoye. They had their best finish ever last year, could start pushing for 3rd or 2nd in the division.
Grade: B+

Indianapolis: Interestingly enough, now that the Colts have a defense worth crowing about, their draft is almost entirely offense. They drafted 3 centers to help shore up an aging OL (C Saturday is 32, need to groom his replacement soon). They also got two TEs and a WR. Picking up Mike Hart in the 6th was great value, he can easily spell Addai at RB. Despite having a good defense, I would've liked them to pick up a little more DL help.
Grade: B

Jacksonvile: They sold the farm to get their first round pick. Someone who easily would've been there later (maybe not all the way to their spot, but really, giving up four picks for one guy is not value). They obviously feel all they need is a pass rush to go to the Super Bowl, first two picks were DE. They really needed more help in the secondary after letting Brady go 26-28 in last year's playoffs.
Grade: D

Kansas City: They had the most picks this draft and made them work. Dorsey first, then Branden Albert to fix the age of the OL. Solid CB and RB next, as well as a S. With their stockpile they picked up many young players that'll contribute soon and will fill in for their very aged counterparts on the starting lineup. With huge needs on the OL, DL, CB, and WR, they got them all.
Grade: A+

Miami: A good draft by Parcells. He didn't get any offers for more picks and the #1 overall so he got the safe 12-year starter in Jake Long. Number 3 pass rusher (dropped due to injury) in Merling. And managed to also get a QB to push Beck for the starting job in Henne. I figured the Dolphins and Falcons would both go for a QB in the second round while fixing their lines in the first. Guess I got the Dolphins right. One thing they should've gotten though is a wide receiver, someone better than Ted Ginn.
Grade: B

Minnesota: They dumped a lot of picks to get Jared Allen, who has much monetary incentive to stay clean (he gets pretty much nothing if he's not playing for them in '09). With their few picks and really few needs, they did well. Got the second best safety on the board, a hard hitter. They also got John David Booty, who really is probably a better QB than Tavaris Jackson. Got him in the 5th which is great value. Booty throwing to Sidney Rice or handing off to Peterson/Taylor sounds good. They could've also gotten a TE though.
Grade: A-

New England: Took Mayo a little high, but probably didn't have anyone willing to trade up to the 10th spot. They really should've traded back up into the late first round to grab a CB, the one they got late second round has injury issues, which won't help them out. They did draft for depth, with 3 LBs and 2 CBs taken. Hard to nitpick an undefeated team though they are getting a little old on the OL.
Grade: B+

New Orleans: Good pick with Ellis. For a team that got burnt by the pass so badly last year, I would've figured them to make a move on one of the elite corners. If they're gonna trade picks away for Ellis, why not sell the rest for a good CB. They didn't get much out of their later rounds except an accurate kicker.
Grade: C+

New York Giants: They didn't really need much, obviously. A safety, which they got. Another wideout once Toomer retires and Tyree's stickum wears off, got that too. Solid backup to Manning who doesn't look like he ate the other backup, check. Like the Pats, hard to nitpick the draft of a team that doesn't need much.
Grade: B+

New York Jets: It's fun to watch the draft if only to see the Jets fans' reactions to picks. They cheered like crazy for Gholston, but then booed Keller (even though they could use another TE threat). Jets made a lot of moves in the offseason to shore up the defense, so they didn't have a lot of needs. They needed a WR, got one early in the 6th round, so we'll see if he's a playmaker or not. Got another QB, wonder which one they'll stick with this time.
Grade: B-

Oakland: Well, they got a home run hitter with Darren McFadden. Let's see if he can stop having kids and play ball. Chargers are still the team to beat. They probably could've used more OL help and maybe a recevier that wasn't injured all last year. Tough to say what else they need since the defense was so good in '06 but with essentially the same people stunk in '07. Also, Russell is officially listed as a lineman now.
Grade: B

Philadelphia: Drafted a solid defender in Trevor Laws and got the speedy DeSean Jackson who fell way out of the first round (so did all WRs though). They also got help for the aging tackles in three new linemen. They drafted another CB for some reason, I would've liked them to get another WR since that's never been a strong point. I also think they should've gotten a backup to Westbrook, so is pretty much their entire offense and they've never gotten someone to reliably give him a break.
Grade: B-

Pittsburgh: They could've used some corner help, but it's hard to pass up Rashard Mendenhall (the fact that so many teams did dumbfounds me). The OL was a huge problem last year and they only got one young guy to work his way into the lineup. They did get that tall WR that Roethlisberger was dreaming of. No smire flom Hines Wald.
Grade: B-

San Diego: A team with little need. Backup RB; check. Nickelback; check. Replacement for Lorenzo Neal; check. Now let's just see if they can put it all together and actually beat the Pats in the playoffs. Until they do that, they remain one of the better teams on paper only.
Grade: A

San Francisco: Unfortunately, they had more needs than picks. They didn't get a WR til pretty late in the draft, but considering they filled a lot of needs before that with a DT, G, and CB (HA take that Nate Clements), can't really say much. Hopefully the young defense gels and Shaun King turns out to be the right QB or they'll be looking for more pieces next year.
Grade: B

Seattle: Taking Lawrence Jackson was a bit of a reach, he would've been there next round. They should've gone TE, WR, DE in that order. They got decent pressure with their LBs, no need to reach for a DE in the first round. I know they just spent a bunch of money on Julius Jones and TJ Duckett, but they could've taken a late round runner to take over once Jones get old and Duckett proves he's still Duckett. They would've graded lower except they got a solid kicker late to replace Brown (and Mare, WTF Seattle, Mare sucked, the Saints cut him, the SAINTS)
Grade: C

St. Louis: Huge reach in the second round for Donnie Avery. Especially since the this is the first WR off the board. This is almost as bad as Green Bay coming up behind them and taking Jordy Nelson. They also didn't get LBs until the last rounds. Depite the potential of Chris Long, this was a disappointing draft for them.
Grade: D

Tampa Bay: They filled two needs right away with a CB and a WR, though they probably could've found a better WR at that spot. The rest of the draft was used to add depth to the older positions on the team like OL and LB. Don't really think they needed to draft a QB, but then Jon Gruden is attempting to field the first ever all-QB offense.
Grade: B

Tennessee: Why? They already have enough RBs, plus why stretch on one in the first round. There were better backs later on for sure. What was the biggest need? WR. What round did they get a WR? 4th. At least they got another TE and DE. But really, can't get past the first pick.
Grade: F

Washington: They picked 10 people. That's probably like 5 times as many as usual. And they did well, getting two of the top WRs and in some circles the best TE. Talk about getting some offensive weapons. They added depth at S, OL, and CB, though they didn't get a pass rusher until late.
Grade: A

Bills Schedule Breakdown

1 Sun. Sep. 07 1:00 pm ET Seahawks
- Bills were mediocre at best last year, and the Seahawks made the playoffs like 5 years straight, gotta say the Bills lose the home opener

2 Sun. Sep. 14 1:00 pm ET at Jaguars
- Another playoff team, the Bills must have the hardest schedule in the NFL (don't bother commenting, I know the NFL uses a formula and who you get is based soley on divisions except two games)

3 Sun. Sep. 21 1:00 pm ET Raiders
- Finally a team the Bills should be able to beat. With a supersized QB and nothing else to speak of, the Raiders are gonna be another cellar dweller.

4 Sun. Sep. 28 4:05 pm ET at Rams
- Offensive line woes are familiar territory for the Bills, hopefully the Bills will have fixed there's and the Rams won't. Could go either way, let's say it's a loss to be realistic.

5 Sun. Oct. 05 4:15 pm ET at Cardinals
- Leinart finally in command? Who knows, Bills will likely be shakier on offense, but hard to say if the Cardinals defense will be stout. Coin flip, Bills win.

6 BYE WEEK - Bills enter the bye week 2-3, once again solidifying they are a middle of the road team

7 Sun. Oct. 19 1:00 pm ET Chargers
- Unless it dumps 3 feet of snow during the game and LT's legs break off in the cold, the Bills will lose this one to a team one game shy of last year's Super Bowl.

8 Sun. Oct. 26 1:00 pm ET at Dolphins
- Parcells usually takes a few years to turn a team around, and this is a team that was the bottom of the bottom last year. Another Bills victory!

9 Sun. Nov. 02 1:00 pm ET Jets
- Bills beat them twice last year, and the Jets haven't done anything to make themselves wholly better. Bills beat up division opponents not in Massachusetts.

10 Sun. Nov. 09 1:00 pm ET at Patriots
- Speaking of which, if the Bills can get a running game going, and can possibly put pressure on Brady, they have an outside chance. But they won't, for the loss.

11 Mon. Nov. 17 8:30 pm ET Browns
- They just missed the playoffs because they couldn't beat the lowly Bengals. Something tells me they'll be slightly better and take a Wild Card spot this year. Bills couldn't beat them last year in the snow, of all conditions the Bills should be able to play in the snow.

12 Sun. Nov. 23 1:00 pm ET at Chiefs
- Chiefs will not be a contender until they replace Herm "I'm not sure what a clock does" Edwards. Maybe they'll have the ball and drive for the winning score but run out of time..... stranger things have happened. Let's see, that makes the Bills 5-6

13 Sun. Nov. 30 1:00 pm ET 49ers
- Bills seem to have half a schedule of playoff teams and half a schedule with top 10 picks. Luckily the 49ers spent all their money on Nate Clements so the Bills wouldn't have to. How come no one is playing up that angle?

14 Sun. Dec. 07 4:05 pm ET Dolphins
- Ah, the big Toronto game. I guess we'll see how this goes attendence wise. Game wise you're going to have a middle of the road team playing a gutter team. Go Bills!

15 Sun. Dec. 14 1:00 pm ET at Jets
- With this string of easy opponents, the Bills start to build the confidence of the fans. Can they do it? A winning season? Wild Card implications?

16 Sun. Dec. 21 4:05 pm ET at Broncos
- Nope, despite the fact they should beat a very lackluster Broncos squad, the Bills lay an egg when it counts most, as usual.

17 Sun. Dec. 28 1:00 pm ET Patriots
- The Bills are notorious for not being able to beat teams that are resting starters for the playoffs. The Patriots might not even rest their starters. Another loss.

Season record: 8-8

Mocks Emerald

To show I know just about as much as anyone else out there, it's time for a draft. I'll give the team, their top needs, and then likely pick. No trading since that's almost impossible to predict, but then again, so is the exact order 31 teams are going to pick their future stars.

1. Miami Dolphins - really, they should just forfeit it, Ted Ginn? really?
needs: a team (ok, top priority is OL and DL)
likely pick: Chris Long (DE)- they need a lot of help, but really can't pass up on a solid hard-working player that can play LB or DE for them

2. St. Louis Rams - Steven Jackson and Marc Bulger destroyed many a fantasy team last year (what do Bulger and Favre have in common? answer below)
needs: offensive line and defensive line (i see a trend)
likely pick: Jake Long (OL)- got to keep Bulger upright and clear lanes for Jackson

3. Atlanta Falcons - answer: they were both on the Falcons at some point, makes you wonder who are the geniuses (geniusi?) that didn't think these two would make it
needs: another team in need of everything, but mainly QB, WR, and DL
likely pick: Glenn Dorsey (DT)- everyone thinks Matt Ryan, but i see them shoring up that run D and grabbing Brian Brohm early in the second (possibly trading up to late in the first)

4. Oakland Raiders - Al Davis has turned into Dan Snyder and blown tons of money in free agency on questionable talent, should be another banner year
needs: offensive line, wide receiver (Javon Walker better have bionic knees)
likely pick: Darren McFadden (RB)- despite not needing a running back, Davis can't pass up somebody that'll put bodies in the seats

5. Kansas City Chiefs - with his history of clock mismanagement, Herm Edwards will probably cause this pick to be submitted late
needs: offensive line, linebackers, cornerbacks, possibly quarterback
likely pick: Ryan Clady (OL)- they just aren't as good without Pro Bowlers on the line

6. New York Jets - how fickle are these fans who go from Mangenius to Mangina in just one season
needs: wide receiver, running back, rush linebacker
likely pick: Vernon Gholston (DE)- he's athletic enough to be the outside linebacker they need for their 3-4

7. New England Patriots - they seriously shouldn't be picking this high, this is the pick they should've forfeited
needs: cornerback, maybe an infusion of youth at linebacker
likely pick: Aqib Talib (CB)- granted its the system, but he should be a good cover guy for them

8. Baltimore Ravens - i'd say something about the team, but Ray Lewis would cut me
needs: cornerback, offensive line, running back
likely pick: Mike Jenkins (CB)- Samari Rolle and Chris McAlister aren't getting any younger

9. Cincinnati Bengals - think maybe they can not get arrested this year?
needs: defense defense defense
likely pick: Sedrick Ellis (DT)- they need to start somewhere, why not a good mountain of meat in the middle

10. New Orleans Saints - how'd these guys forget how to score
needs: cornerback, tight end
likely pick: Reggie Smith (CB)- seriously, i can't emphasize how much they need a cornerback

11. Buffalo Bills - hmmm..... will they draft smart or screw me again
needs: defensive end, wide receiver, tight end
likely pick: Malcolm Kelly (WR)- not bad, but if they were smart they'd trade up for one of the can't miss offensive linemen (IF they were smart), Bills refuse to believe in getting a good line going

12. Denver Broncos - seeing them in person gives you a good idea how much they stink and now that Elam is gone (who pretty much won all their games) they're in trouble
needs: defensive line, safety, wide receiver
likely pick: Calais Campbell (DE)- they generate zero pass rush, they need help

13. Carolina Panthers - what happened to them after that Super Bowl run
needs: safety, tight end, wide receiver
likely pick: Kenny Phillips (S)- can you even name a safety on the Panthers?

14. Chicago Bears - another playoff team that disappeared
needs: quarterback, wide receiver, running back, offensive line.... pretty much the whole offense
likely pick: Matt Ryan (QB)- surprised he's still here? given the less-than-awe-inspiring Pro Day, i figure he pulls an Aaron Rodgers

15. Detroit Lions - you know they want to desperately pick a wide receiver
needs: running back, tight end, defensive line, offensive line
likely pick: Sam Baker (OL)- Kitna's one hit away from proclaiming the Lions will win the Super Bowl, Jon, perhaps you should stop guaranteeing 10 wins and start playing football

16. Arizona Cardinals - just remember, Matt Leinart fathered his illegitimate child first, Tom Brady
needs: running back, cornerback, linebacker, defensive line
likely pick: Reshard Mendenhall (RB)- probably more well rounded than Run-DMC and can take over for Edge sooner rather than later

17. Minnesota Vikings - can you imagine your job riding on Tavaris Jackson, a man who admitted not being ready for the NFL
needs: wide receiver, defensive end
likely pick: DeSean Jackson (WR)- they dropped a bunch of money on Berrian, but it'll take more than one mediocre WR to catch Jackson's errant throws

18. Houston Texans - i still don't get the name, it wouldn't make sense anywhere else, Seattle Washingtonians? Oakland Californians?
needs: running back, cornerback, actually, lot of youth on this team, should start contending for a Wild Card spot
likely pick: Dominique Rogers-Cromartie (CB)- sounds to be as good as his cousin, who led the NFL in INTs last year

19. Philadelphia Eagles - you don't know how hard it is to be a black quarterback, look how hard Warren Moon had it
needs: wide receiver, defensive end, safety
likely pick: Limas Sweed (WR)- McNabb gets his wish, though warns young Limas how tough it is to be a black receiver in Philadelphia, Kevin Curtis agrees

20. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - wonder if they'll try to pick up another 3-4 quarterbacks
needs: cornerback, wide receiver, linebacker
likely pick: Keith Rivers (LB)- someone is going to have to replace Derrick Brooks when he disintergrates upon impact

21. Washington Redskins - what? they have a pick? i wasn't read for this...
needs: wide receiver, defensive end, safety (unfortunately)
likely pick: Mario Manningham (WR)- Campbell is going to need some targets once Zorn gets that offense on track

22. Dallas Cowboys - only two things ever came out of Texas, and the Texans have the horns
needs: wide receiver, cornerback, quarterback
likely pick: James Hardy (WR)- both their receivers are over 30 and number 3 is just that, some combination of crap and piss

23. Pittsburgh Steelers - how do these guys have so many citations and run-ins with the law yet nobody talks badly about them
needs: safety, cornerback, to not play the Jaguars
likely pick: Leodis McKelvin (CB)- they gave up a lot of big pass plays last year and Polamalu's hair can't cover the field AND his name

24. Tennessee Titans - these guys and Frank Wychek can go to hell
needs: wide receiver, defensive end
likely pick: Derrick Harvey (DE)- they resigned the Freak, but that doesn't mean much

25. Seattle Seahawks - ah, my B team, although they are going to cut my man-crush, Shaun Alexander
needs: offensive line, running back
likely pick: Brandon Albert (OL)- need some blocking whethers it's TJ, JJ, or *swoon* SA running into the hole and falling down

26. Jacksonville Jaguars - these guys should be a top team next year, assuming they get to play the Steelers again
needs: wide receiver, defensive end, cornerback
likely pick: Brandon Flowers (CB)- they can stop the run, but got gouged by the passing of one Tom Brady

27. San Diego Chargers - seriously, just switch to the powder blues already
needs: linebacker, defensive end, safety
likely pick: Dan Connor (LB)- solid prospect to go inside while Shaun and Shawne go outside

28. Green Bay Packers - did you hear, Brett Favre retired?
needs: offensive line, tight end, 3rd receiver who doesn't fumble
likely pick: Gosder Cherlius (OL)- where the hell do you get a name like that

29. Dallas Cowboys - in case you didn't get it the first time, they're queers
needs: same as before
likely pick: Antoine Cason (CB)- i can see them taking Felix Jones or trading down if they don't see anyone they like

30. San Francisco 49ers - Martz can help pad stats, but i doubt they win much
needs: wide receiver, offensive line, defensive line
likely pick: Jeff Otah (OL)- needs someone to protect Alex Smith long enough to get his tiny child hands around the football

31. New York Giants - Super Bowl champs, go figure Eli puts it together in the playoffs of all places
needs: offensive line, safety, defensive line depth
likely pick: Phillip Merling (DE)- they got it so good they can take a backup in the first round since all the top-flight players are pretty much gone

In the beginning, there was the Bills. And it was good. Then came Scott Norwood, who played a game called 'just the tip'. The football gods giveth, and they taketh away (though does anyone else wonder if Belichick was taping the Bills before that Super Bowl? I'm just saying...) Then came the Cowboys, who shall always be met with wailing and gnashing of teeth. And thus ended the run of success that met me at the start of my football watching career. Since then I have suffered through years of mediocrity, the Betrayal of The Flutie, the return of Marv, and the rise of the successor to Jim Kelly, Rob Johnson, I mean, JP Losman, I mean, Trent Edwards.

Here are some of the initial rules for this blog:
1. Doug Flutie is to be referred to as The Flutie or His Flutieness and the usurping of his position by Rob Johnson shall be called the Betrayal.
2. Dick Jauron is a serial killer. (you thought I was going to say something about Fight Club, didn't you)
3. The Bills actually won Super Bowl XXV.
4. The Bills will never play in Toronto and anybody who says they will is a commie.

Lastly, an explanation of the title. Everyone knows what an armchair quarterback is. Someone who sits in their La-z-boy, shouting at the TV, and knows way more about football than any commentator and especially the head coach. Well, that's me. I can call penalties before the referees, I can call plays better than the coach, and I can add color commentary better than Phil Simms. Thing is, I have a penchant for defense. So I figure I'd be an armchair player on defense, so I picked strong safety. For two reasons: 1) strong safety is the hard hitter on the defense, responsible for stopping the run; 2) well, I figure that's obvious. So I'll leave you with this: if you're like me and shout at the coach even when he can't hear you, read the hand signals of the refs as they discuss the call, or watch games on mute because you can't stand Joe Buck verbally humping Troy Aikman's leg, come on in, sit a spell, because you are an A.S.S.